Lost That Track

I failed my October goal, and I've failed in too many things that I should have done for this month. And let me free you from the agony of hearing the unending list. 

So now what? I'm losing my track, that's a fact. For now. The pretty red rose's petals marking my path to a beautiful life were blown by the wind, scattered now. Thus, my being lost. 

Whatever, Rein. 

I'm torturing myself again. For not knowing what to do. For not knowing what's next. For not planning out my future. For being such a dependent brat. 

And I've got to think now. Or better yet, move now. Because time's precious. And there's too much pressure right this very moment.

Especially now that Papsie is sick. I got to rush things up. 

So where shall I start? 

I can make my path, even more beautifully. But I need help. 

Someone, please mark my starting line.