I Cherish Every Memory I Have of You, Pa
Today's the birthday of my late father. And today also marks the 4th month of his passing away.
Since I'm used to not seeing him very often, I was thinking I could just fool my mind when I'm missing him and get convinced that he's just out there somewhere, still trying to do a living to provide for us. Yeah, like I'm trying to trick a little kid, diverting the attention, because his father has left for work. Just like that.
And as if it works all the time. Well it does, actually, at first. But how long could I keep it up? How long would that stage of denial last?
Honestly, I have underwent, over and over, with the stages of grieving. Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance. But the problem is that I'm making a cycle out of it. Just when I thought I've accepted my loss, I somehow get back to the denial stage. And yes, it is just so wrong. *deep sigh*
My father was a good provider. So good, we were almost spoiled. He was brilliant in so many ways. We actually have inherited much from him. The values, I mean; and, uhm, even the not so good values. ha ha ha (Peace, Pa! :)) He was a man of many secrets. And those secrets, he kept with him to his next life. Until now, too many questions are left unanswered; and we were left hanging. But maybe that's how it should be. Just void.
There's too much to say, really, but I am at a loss for words. So let me just end this with a greeting.
Happy Birthday, Pa! (How old are you, again? ha ha ha) I love you, always. And you'd be forever in my heart and in my mind. That's for sure.
If this was a letter for you, it would've been too complicated and just too full of crashouts and questions and what-not. There are too many things left unsaid, but I guess you already know them way before I'd thought of them.
I love you, Papsie. And I cherish every memory I have of you.
Since I'm used to not seeing him very often, I was thinking I could just fool my mind when I'm missing him and get convinced that he's just out there somewhere, still trying to do a living to provide for us. Yeah, like I'm trying to trick a little kid, diverting the attention, because his father has left for work. Just like that.
And as if it works all the time. Well it does, actually, at first. But how long could I keep it up? How long would that stage of denial last?
Honestly, I have underwent, over and over, with the stages of grieving. Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance. But the problem is that I'm making a cycle out of it. Just when I thought I've accepted my loss, I somehow get back to the denial stage. And yes, it is just so wrong. *deep sigh*
My father was a good provider. So good, we were almost spoiled. He was brilliant in so many ways. We actually have inherited much from him. The values, I mean; and, uhm, even the not so good values. ha ha ha (Peace, Pa! :)) He was a man of many secrets. And those secrets, he kept with him to his next life. Until now, too many questions are left unanswered; and we were left hanging. But maybe that's how it should be. Just void.
There's too much to say, really, but I am at a loss for words. So let me just end this with a greeting.
Happy Birthday, Pa! (How old are you, again? ha ha ha) I love you, always. And you'd be forever in my heart and in my mind. That's for sure.
If this was a letter for you, it would've been too complicated and just too full of crashouts and questions and what-not. There are too many things left unsaid, but I guess you already know them way before I'd thought of them.
I love you, Papsie. And I cherish every memory I have of you.
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